This is a very common dilemma and can usually be resolved with a bit of research. Unfortunately, there are women who are unable to pursue a surrogacy journey because their partner is not onboard. If you are interested in surrogacy but you don’t think your partner will be supportive, or if you are a partner who is unsure about the safety of surrogacy, this article will help shed some light on your questions and concerns. 

Some common objections and uncertainties include;

“How does the baby get there?”, “Is she giving her baby away?”, “Will they use her DNA?”, “If there is a life-threatening condition do they choose to save the baby over my wife?”, “What if they don’t pay her once she is pregnant?” …

While these are all valid questions and concerns to be raised by a loving partner, most are misconceptions that can be explained.

I encourage all mothers who are interested in pursuing surrogacy to have their partners sit in on their consultation call. If your partner is unable to make the meeting, you can sit down together beforehand, make a list of questions and have them explained in detail at the time of your scheduled call.

If you are interested in pursuing surrogacy but your partner is unsupportive for any of the above reasons, I am going to address these topics for you today.

“How does the baby get there?”

This is a very common question, and the answer is very interesting to anyone who is new to the world of Third-Party Reproduction. The surrogate mother is not inseminated nor is intercourse required. Surrogacy pregnancies are achieved through IVF treatment and embryo transfers. Many IVF clinic pages will have more detailed articles and even videos if you would like additional details about this wonderful process.

“Is she giving her baby away?”

Not at all. She is not pregnant with her own baby, but with someone else’s, and she is aware of this throughout the entire process of surrogacy. The ASRM have strict screening guidelines when it comes to surrogacy. All surrogate mothers must pass an initial interview where she has the opportunity to have all of her questions answered by professionals, and she must be cleared by a psychologist in order to make it to medical screening. This is to make sure that she has not been coerced in any way and that she is fully informed and consenting to becoming a surrogate mother.

“Will they use her DNA?”

Absolutely not. The embryo(s) are created by the intended parent(s) beforehand using their own egg and sperm or through the use of donors. The embryo is already formed and in no way shares DNA with the surrogate mother. This is where the common analogy, “Their bun, my oven.”, comes from. While she will be using her uterus to carry the pregnancy to term, her eggs will not be fertilized.

“If there is a life-threatening condition do they choose to save the baby over my wife?”

This is a very serious questions/ concern and that is why the screening process is taken very seriously and is extensive. Before a woman becomes pregnant via surrogacy, her past OBGYN and delivery records are thoroughly screening and approved by the IVF physician. She will also be medically screened at the Intended Parent(s) IVF Clinic. All IVF clinics require an up-to-date and Neg. pap smear. Many also require an OB clearance letter from the surrogate’s past OBGYN. These steps are all set in place to ensure that it is safe for her to become pregnant. Unfortunately, unforeseen occurrences can occur, and, in that case, the IP(s) and surrogate mother make medical decisions and plans together. If an emergency were to occur, the pregnant mother would be able to make the ultimate decision, should she have to. Bear in mind, in the event that a medical emergency should occur, potentially endangering the pregnant mother and unborn child, there is not one, but two medical teams standing by: OB for the mother and NICU for baby. Both highly qualified teams will make every effort to save both surrogate mother and child.

*Please note that this is an extremely sensitive topic, and the explanation above has been derived from a standard GC/IP legal contract in the state of CA.

“What if they don’t pay her once she is pregnant?

Another protection set forth in IP/GC legal contracts are set deadlines for funds to be deposited into the designated escrow account. There is also a minimum balance that the escrow account must maintain throughout the surrogate pregnancy. Having an escrow account managed by a third party is a protection for all parties involved.

Surrogacy pregnancy is a truly magnificent and detailed process. Having questions and concerns is completely normal and expected. There is a learning curve and Mothers First Surrogacy would love to chat with you about surrogacy and answer all of your questions. We are a company designed for surrogates by surrogates. We believe that making the great decision to become a surrogate is a family decision and should be entered into based on sound, compassionate and objective advice.